(To the tune of "Respect Yourself")
Come on girls! do you know who I am?
My name is Geraldine, and you all call me the Goat!
Don't fall asleep in class, baby, the lights are dim but you can't rest
(You know, you know) You've got to -- learn all this boring crap, baby,
then forget it all after the test.
You don't need interesting case studies or clinical relevance
From professors that never smile, you know they never get out of their labs
What you need is white muscle cells, cadherins and terminal bars
Make you feel like you're wasting your time, and then I'll screw
you over with the exam.
(To the tune of "Papa Don't Preach")
Students I know you're going to be upset, but
I'm not taking any questions yet
I got this mike in my mouth and a thirty page handout.
You may think that I'm teaching you, but it's the slides that I'm
talking to
You're getting awful restless, and I don't mean maybe.
Please, I don't wanna teach -- I got a grant due
I don't wanna teach, but Phil says I have to
And you've made up your mind: You're ditching my lecture
Yeah, you're gonna leave my lecture.
(To the tune of "Like a Virgin")
I didn't go to med school, but I still know more than you
You're afraid of anatomy, but I'll get you through.
You got Netter, but I'm better
Forget Grant, you can toss him too
Cause I'll make you feel ...
like you know what to do.
Like a surgeon,
cutting for the very first time
Like a surgeon,
Put your cadaver next to mine ...
(To the tune of "Material Girl")
Gastric pits and parietal cells, I think they're okay
Fenestrated capillaries, I could stare all day
Fix your focus, adjust condensers, don't use too much light (That's right)
If you use the oil immersion the cells are out of sight!
Because my passion is endothelial cells, and I'm an endothelial girl
You know that we are living in endothelial world, and I'm an endothelial girl.
(To the tune of "Holiday")
Myelinate, Propagate ...
If you take a short professor, give him too much tenure
Then he'll give all the lectures -- I'll just work the slide projector
Everybody spread the word: I'm gonna hold an afterschool session
Get out your spinal notebooks -- Here comes your first lesson.
Now let's take a Schwann cell and wrap it 'round an axon (Oh yeah)
So that we can hasten our AP propagation
That's why we myelinate.
Myelinate, Propagate ...
(To the tune of "Like a Prayer")
Med school is misery, but in a few years you'll see
You'll be a doctor, too -- That's why I teach you. Chorus.
You raise your hand, you have a question for me
I have no choice, I hear your voice-- I must answer
Med school's a drag -- No end and no beginning
But don't you worry, soon you will see --- S=MD.
Chorus.